Sand Castles
World Mental Health day, recognised every year on the 10th of October, is an opportunity to raise awareness of mental health issues and to contemplate on how we can support those suffering from them in any form. Ahead of this day one of our directors, Wayne, has written a piece on effectively managing the impacts of stress on mental health.
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When I was a boy, I was changing a lightbulb on a small lamp and I forgot to unplug it from the socket. I accidentally touched both terminals and received an almighty shock. Ever since, I've treated electricity with the respect it deserves. Why mention this? Well, it seems to me that certain lessons can't always be taught; they need to be learned. I know this is true because I've seen sensible people try to remove stuck toast from plugged-in toasters using metal cutlery; I'm sure Darwin has a list of award winners in this category!
So what does this have to do with sand castles? I’m getting to that.
Many years ago, whilst working in Financial Services, I was in a stressful situation, working very hard to meet the unrealistic demands of a new leadership team who kept their distance in case things went wrong. One day, when I couldn’t face it anymore, I called my manager (who is now a close friend), and said I needed to take a couple of days off. Seeing me reach breaking point, he put me on stress leave and ordered me to visit my GP.
I ended up having around 6 weeks off, but (crucially) it was only after a few weeks that the dust had settled enough for me to focus and see my future clearly. Just like with the lamp, I had been metaphorically zapped again. Lesson learned.
Not everyone experiences stress to breaking point, and I’ve accepted that managing stress is a strategy more likely to succeed than trying to avoid it (for me at least). Nor am I ashamed to admit that I’ve been there; we all have dark places in our minds. In my case, I realised that my stress was situational and thus within my power to change. I no longer work there.
So … sand castles!
When we go to the beach as a family, we like to play a game where we build sand defences to protect our sand castles against the incoming tide and waves.
You can’t build castles and defenses with dry sand, so you need to judge where to build on the moist sand. If you’re too close to the water, you don’t get a chance to build the necessary defences as the constant waves wipe them out. Too far away, and … well, the game is a little boring. If you get it right though, as high tide approaches, each successive wave gradually erodes your well-prepared defenses giving you just enough time to hurriedly rebuild them. Every so often a big wave comes along and catches you off-guard, but it is not necessarily enough to cause your castle to crumble.
Alas, trying to defeat the might of an ocean is a fool's errand. Your castle will probably collapse, but you had a nice day at the beach and tomorrow (if you built something big enough) you’ll get a chance to adjust your build relative to the mound that was left behind, and do it all over again.
Most of the time the waves lapping the shoreline move back and forth with the tidal marks, and you can reliably predict things. But very occasionally, a perigee moon coincides with a stormy high tide, and the crests of two waves perfectly align resulting in a wave so large it unexpectedly knocks you off your feet. When this happens, you may decide that it was not a good day to build sand castles, and you’d have been better off staying under your duvet that morning. But after a while, when things have settled again, you return to the beach to discover that whilst the landscape may have changed a little, the sand and the water are still there, blissfully unaware of your struggles, but beckoning you to join in the fun once again.
So it goes with stress (for me at least).
Decide what you are protecting and where you are building. Put your defenses in place (colleagues, friends and family) and monitor the tide. Learn from your past experience and, when you are (inevitably) knocked back, take a moment to catch your breath and then head to the little beach shop, pay a lot of money for a little plastic shovel that will last around 10 minutes, and start digging!
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Whilst drafting this article my dad died. Quite suddenly, but peacefully and how he would have wanted. That’s the sort of wave that knocks you off your feet, leaving you flailing about trying to get your bearings and wondering why there is sand in your mouth. My Dad was my first defence and knowing that I’m never going to be able to ask for his advice or share another joke has left me feeling empty. I knew this wave was coming, it just hit sooner than I’d hoped. It didn’t matter; no amount of preparation would have been enough to withstand it. However, I will overcome it thanks to the support of my friends, family and colleagues. Thanks guys!
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For further reading and resources on Mental Health Day and awareness of mental health issues, the following links are a good place to start.
https://www.mind.org.uk/get-involved/world-mental-health-day/wmhd-2021-resources/
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/world-mental-health-day